Her menstrual cycles leave her exhausted and anxious. Does she really need to make it worse by beating herself up about it?
It’s bad enough that…
- He lost patience with his kiddo.
- I missed a deadline.
- You sent a text driven by fear.
- Etc etc etc
Do we really need to make it worse by beating ourselves up about it?
Survey says: Yes.
It’s what most of us are doing most of the time.
Wisdom says: Stop.
In one of his simplest teachings, the Buddha described two arrows.
The first arrow is life’s pain — the discomfort, fear, anger, craving, and loss that come with being human.
The second arrow is what we add: resistance, self-judgment, and shame for feeling what we feel.
It’s our aversion to our own pain and humanness.
We get angry…and then we hate ourselves for being angry.
We feel jealous…and then scold ourselves: “What’s wrong with me? I should be more evolved than this.”
The first arrow hurts.
The second arrow — the one we fire at ourselves — turns pain into suffering.
As the Buddha said, “In life, we cannot always control the first arrow; however, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The second arrow is optional.”
That’s freedom. You can’t avoid the first arrow, but you don’t have to shoot the second one.
What if nothing that arises in you is wrong?
What if the fear, the anger, the craving — all of it — just wants awareness and compassion?
When we stop waging war against our inner experience, something softens.
Pain still aches — but it moves, like passing weather.
That’s the practice:
Notice the first arrow.
Don’t fire the second.
Bring love to the place that hurts.
When we stop attacking our experience, pain remains pain — not proof that we’re broken.
And in that acceptance, the second arrow falls harmlessly to the ground.
That’s your assignment for this week, wild ones: Keep an eye out for those second arrows, in yourself and in others.
See if you can put them down more often.
Compassionately yours,
Rachel
PS – What if you stopped turning every first arrow into two? That kind of freedom takes support, not self-discipline. Let’s explore it together—schedule a free 75-minute consultation and see what changes when you stop fighting yourself.
