Cake is being handed out at the 6-year-old’s birthday party.
R is excited about a particular piece with just the right amount of sprinkles and frosting, and on the plate they like best.
But then J teases them. He takes the plate and hands it to someone else.
That someone else (who might have been me) starts eating it, unaware of their role in the drama.
R’s body starts to tighten. Anger rises. Betrayal. Frustration. R is holding back tears.
In that moment, R has dropped below the line.
***
Let me explain this line.
The line might be the most life-changing idea of the millennium for me.
It’s dead simple, and yet it’s also taken years for me to fully understand it. I imagine there’s deeper still to go.
First thing to know: The line is imaginary.
It’s also epically useful.
At all times, you, me, and everyone else is in one of two places: We are always either below the line, or above the line.
This is a binary. There’s no “on the line” or “both” or “in between.”
We can be further or less far below the line.
But we’re one place or another.
And, spoiler alert: We’re usually below.
Below the line is the domain of the survival brain.
Down there, we’re wearing our “danger” glasses.
We perceive threat—to our control, our security, our sense of approval.
Our body gets tight and activated. Breath shortens. Vision narrows. Digestion stalls. Teeth clench.
We start to believe things like “this is urgent” or “there’s only one right answer” or “it’s their fault.”
The world looks scary, overwhelming, frustrating, and black and white.
It is SO SO normal to be below the line. It’s the default mode of our brain.
And yet: It’s not a great place to hang out, all else being equal.
Above the line is a whole different world. It’s full of love, curiosity, play, and creativity.
The body is relaxed. The mind is open. Synchronicity abounds.
Above the line is where flow states live.
Reality check: There’s absolutely no way any normal human is gonna hang out above the line all the time.
But we CAN get masterful at three life-changing skills:
- Noticing where we are: Above or below the line?
- Relaxing and accepting ourselves, even when we’re below
- Using mindset and nervous system tools to move back up towards that lovely upper realm
***
R. doesn’t know much about the line.
But if they did, they might choose to say something the moment they got upset about the cake.
“Wow, I’m really going below the line here about this cake situation. I notice I’m wanting to control my experience. I’m making you wrong, J. You’re the villain, I’m the victim. My body is tight.”
Etc.
Noticing and naming such things is super rare.
It’s also completely powerful.
It’s also one of the core skills I work on with my clients.
In my time working with the line in my own life…
- I’ve taken brave leap after brave leap towards more aligned careers that have me in my Zone of Genius more and more of the time.
- I’ve upgraded my relationship skills from “decent” to “exceptional” and landed an amazing partner I’m a wholehearted yes to.
- I more than doubled my income while working about a third as much.
- I’ve met incredibly painful life circumstances with a level of resilience that shocks me as I look back on it
- I spend more and more time above the line, just basking in joy and flow… and I get back there faster and faster
I did not do this alone.
I invested many ten-thousands of dollars and many hundreds of hours in all kinds of support from people I knew had something I wanted.
Sometimes I went below the line as I made those investments—it was scary and out of my comfort zone. Not what most people I knew did.
But I made them anyway because I could and I chose to prioritize my aliveness.
To refuse to reach my deathbed with the #1 most common regret: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
Below the line is happening in your life every day. Probably every hour.
Ready to get aware of it?
Let’s talk.
Reflectively yours,
Rachel
PS – This framework comes from The Conscious Leadership Group and The Hendricks Institute. I’ve studied with both.
PPS – Coaching with me starts with a free 75-minute consultation. I’ll help you see what’s tight and where the low hanging fruit is…and tune into who you could be if you lived above the line more.
