What’s the difference between truth and a story?
Here’s one version of a truth: “My heart’s racing, and my stomach’s tight. I feel nervous saying this.”
And here’s a story: “You always get defensive when I bring up money.”
The first one? Inarguable. It’s a direct experience—no one can tell me I’m wrong about what I’m feeling in my body.
The second? Super arguable. It invites debate and is likely to trigger defensiveness.
This idea—speaking inarguably—is one of the most transformative communication tools I’ve ever learned.
I first learned it through the Conscious Leadership Group and the work of Gay and Katie Hendricks.
Practicing it has improved every part of my communication—especially in writing, especially in tough conversations.
It’s a way to turn raw, messy, spiky experience into connection.
It’s language that glides past someone’s defenses because there’s nothing to hook into or push against.
Like most powerful practices, it’s simple—but not easy.
So what counts as inarguable?
The Conscious Leadership Group defines inarguable statements as ones based on your direct, present-moment experience. That includes:
- Body sensations (“My chest feels tight,” “My stomach is fluttery”)
- Emotions (“I feel sad,” “I’m excited,” “I’m nervous”)
- Thoughts (“I’m thinking you might be upset,” “I’m telling myself a story that you’re sick of this conversation.”)
- Wants or desires (“I want to feel closer to you,” “I’d love more clarity”)
- Observations that could be recorded on video (“You walked out of the room,” “You turned to face the wall.”)
If you can’t see it, feel it, hear it, or experience it right now—it’s probably arguable.
And the moment you label, interpret, or assume what something means… you’re back in arguable territory.
Here are a few more examples:
Arguable: “You were rude.”
Inarguable: “I noticed my shoulders tense and my breath catch after you said that. I felt hurt.”
Arguable: “I’m doing more than my share around here.”
Inarguable: “I felt overwhelmed doing the dishes again tonight and realized I’d love more support.”
Arguable: “I’m fine.” (when you’re not)
Inarguable: “I notice I’m feeling kind of shut down right now and not sure how to talk about it.”
When we speak inarguably, we come back to the only truth we ever really have: Our own present-moment experience.
We shift from performance to presence.
From control to connection.
From righteousness to curiosity.
It’s more powerful than it sounds.
So this week, I invite you to try it.
Before you speak—or text—pause and ask: Is what I’m about to say arguable or inarguable?
And if it’s arguable, can you find the deeper, truer, more connected truth underneath?
Speak from there.
That’s where the good stuff lives.
Arguably yours,
Rachel
PS- Once you start tuning into this, you’ll spot arguable language everywhere. If you try shifting even one sentence into inarguable truth this week, I’d love to hear how it lands. Hit reply and tell me what you discover.
