Last Friday, I said yes to a project.
It was a sensible yes. Several wise advisors had counseled me to take it.
The work fit my skills. It paid steady money. It offered extra stability.
On Saturday morning, I opened The Big Leap Year, one of the books I dip into daily. I read this:
“Not being able to make yourself do something can be a wake-up call. It’s your genius rebelling against spending one more minute in your Incompetence, Competence, of Excellence Zones. This kind of procrastination is a call from your genius to get going again on the journey.”
My throat felt tight. My stomach got heavy.
“I think I just messed with my flow of genius,” I thought to myself.
Then I got another sign, right away.
The night before, my boyfriend and I had made a loose plan to meet for lunch.
Even as we were making it, I realized it might be too much to squeeze in easefully around my other commitments.
By Saturday morning, I was sure of it: The idea of meeting up with him midday felt stressful.
I could feel a tightness in my shoulders.
I didn’t think he’d mind if we ditched the lunch plan. We had other quality time lined up.
But somehow, I felt scared to suggest it.
“I should be able to do it all,” a voice in my head was saying. “Just tough it out.”
I’m normally pretty good at re-aligning commitments and listening to my body wisdom on things like that.
The stakes here were decidedly low.
But somehow my Yes to the Project was messing with my inner compass.
“I might have to do something about this,” I realized.
Throughout the day, I sat with the question: Could I really do this project and stay in full alignment?
On the one hand, my body was a clear No to it. Every which way I asked, I saw that.
On the other hand, I could make a long list of reasons it made sense.
Saying no felt scary to part of me with a particular definition of “being responsible.”
But then I remembered the question my mentor Diana Chapman started asking me 8 years ago.
The question that guided her life for decades, into success I’d always admired.
The question I printed on the back of my business cards last year.
What are you willing to risk for your full aliveness?
I took some deep breaths.
I reminded myself: I’ve chosen to trust that life is on my side.
I’ve chosen to trust there’s no such thing as a mistake.
I’ve chosen to trust that my deep body wisdom is a better guide through life’s mysteries than my rational mind.
And so on Sunday, I sent another email, saying No to the project after all.
My energy started rising again as soon as I decided.
This story is still in progress: I’m not sure what the next plot twists will be.
Will I look back and regret not taking it on? Maybe.
Will some miraculous series of events and lucky serendipity fill the void I left in my clarity? (I’ve had this happen before, several times).
I hope so.
But either way, no matter where the plot goes from here, at least I know I love my reasons for saying no.
What am I willing to risk for my full aliveness? More and more and more and more.
What about you? What frontier is your aliveness calling you towards?
With love,
Rachel
PS – In the last decade, I’ve said scary Nos to relationships, jobs, houses, and more. In hindsight, trusting my gut has been a win every time. So why is it still so hard to do in practice sometimes?! Why do we resist what we deep-down know?
If you’re struggling with this, I get it! I offer free 75-minute consultations where we can listen to your deeper desires and clear what’s in the way to a more fulfilling version of you. Hit reply and we’ll get one scheduled.
