Change is inevitable. It’s the only constant in life.
But trying to create a change on purpose? That’s where we often hit resistance.
You say you want something different—better fitness, more meaningful work, deeper community, more free time.
But life is…fine. And somehow, despite what you say you want, your days stay mostly the same.
You keep handling what’s in front of you. You keep doing what’s expected. You keep being competent.
You don’t choose the moment-by-moment work of creating something new.
This doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you, or that you need more willpower or discipline.
It means you have a human brain. 🧠
Human brains resist change. If part of you wants expansion and part of you wants safety — that makes sense.
See, people only change when three things are true at the same time:
- Our current state becomes unacceptable.
- We have a compelling vision of something better.
- We see a clear-enough path forward.
If vision and path aren’t both strong, we won’t budge. Our survival brain just doesn’t want us to.
My mentors at The Conscious Leadership group teach it like this, in a handy Change Formula:
(Vision x Dissatisfaction) + First Steps > Resistance = Change
Let’s unpack it — and apply it to the kind of change you may be craving.
Vision
A blurry vision won’t pull you forward.
The more alive and vibrant your vision, the more juice it has.
Your body has to want it. You have to FEEL the “yes yes yes!” of it.
Journaling, vision boards, seeing what you want playing out in real life for someone else—these all help.
(That last one is really effective for me).
To get the change moving, you have to really amp up your desire for it.
If there’s something you want you’re not moving towards, make a list of all the reasons you want it, let yourself picture your life once you have it —amp up the vision. Again and again.
Dissatisfaction
This is the part high achievers are very good at numbing.
If we don’t have a strong vision and clear path, we then convince ourselves our current state is acceptable.
We tell ourselves we’re lucky. We tell ourselves we should be grateful. We say, “It’s not that bad.”
Then we buffer.
We scroll. We drink. We stay busy with minutia. We put out fires so we can feel important. We gossip. We over-function.
Anything to avoid sitting still long enough to feel the truth: This isn’t what I want.
But what is the status quo actually costing you?
What does it cost to keep overriding yourself? To keep postponing the desires that feel inconvenient or selfish?
Here’s the counterintuitive part: The goal isn’t to reduce the discomfort. It’s to feel it clearly—and even strengthen it.
What if you removed your usual buffering outlets for a week? What if you stopped anesthetizing the friction? What if you let yourself feel the fear, the anger, the frustration, the grief of whatever you’re putting up with?
Most of us wait for life to hit us with a 2×4—a health scare, a breakup, a layoff—to finally make a move.
That’s one way. But it’s not the only way.
You can choose to amplify your dissatisfaction before life does it for you.
Until your current state feels meaningfully uncomfortable, you will keep protecting it.
First Steps
This is where many people stall. They think change means blowing up their marriage, quitting their job, moving cities, burning it all down.
No wonder they stay stuck. But first steps don’t need to be dramatic.
Sometimes they look like:
- Starting a new habit with one tiny, unsexy goal.
- Regulating your nervous system before making a decision.
- Telling one small truth you’ve been avoiding.
- Blocking two hours a week for something that actually matters to you.
- Having a conversation instead of rehearsing it in your head.
You don’t need a total reinvention. You need a visible, doable next move.
Change happens when vision and dissatisfaction, supported by small first steps, outweigh the pull of our default resistance.
So here’s the question:
Where in your life are you pretending things are acceptable…when you actually want something different? And which part of the Change Formula can you amp up to get over your resistance?
You don’t have to blow up your life.
But you do have to stop pretending you don’t want more.
With so much empathy,
Rachel
PS — If “Given everything going on, I shouldn’t complain,” has been coming out of your mouth a lot lately, you may want to join me on March 12. I’ll share more on how to work with this change formula in real life. Details below.
PPS – One simple way to amp up your vision is to imagine it already done. My friend Stacey Moore created an AI-powered Already Done Playbook that helps you envision life as it will be.
“The Already Done Playbook is an AI-personalized PDF with seven custom narratives that use mental rehearsal and priming to help you achieve your goals. It allows anyone—whether you’re well on your way or haven’t yet started—to build momentum toward your goals in just three minutes a day.”
