Picture me in my kitchen, in my pajamas, a song on.
I ooze first—arms moving like an octopus, like kelp in the ocean, like I’m full of caramel.
Then I root, feeling my feet on the floor like I’ve got roots growing down into the earth.
Then I wiggle, starting at my fingers until my whole body’s shaking.
Then I scoop—reaching into the air like it’s a big cloud of goodness and pulling it into my chest with my hand.
A minute or two in, I might notice tears coming up. Or a flash of anger I didn’t know was sitting in my chest.
I let it move through, and then I go make my tea.
On the mornings I’m starting my day right—before the inbox, before the to-do list gets its hooks in me—this is what it looks like. It’s hygiene, same category as brushing my teeth.
Here’s why I bother: you’re literally smarter when there’s less fear in your body.
Fear pulls resources away from the parts of you built for creativity, nuance, and generous listening.
It dumps them into the parts built for fight, flight, freeze, or faint. That’s useful if there’s a tiger chasing you. Less useful for most of your challenges and tasks.
This is what a scared nervous system does, no matter how smart or evolved you think you are.
A dysregulated body cannot think its way into a good decision, so before you write the hard email, have the hard conversation, or try to think your way out of a stuck place—get your nervous system on your side first.
I’m a certified Big Leap Coach through Gay and Katie Hendricks, and this practice, called Fear Melters, is one of my favorite tools of theirs—simple enough I’ve taught it to a 5-year-old, and strong enough to change your whole chemistry in under two minutes.
Each move corresponds to a different flavor of fear:
Fight —Oozing.
Flee —Rooting.
Freeze —Wiggling.
Faint (that spacey, checked-out feeling)—Love Scooping.
Ten seconds in, you’ll probably feel dumb. Stick with it for two full minutes and see if you’re not in a different state by the end—not just in your head, in your whole being.
I had a client come to a session recently, depressed and on the verge of tears before we’d even said hello.
We could have spent the hour analyzing why.
Instead, we took it straight to her body—found the state, moved it, melted it.
Her breathing changed. Her posture changed. The tears softened. Only then did we start talking.
This is one reason I believe what I do beats talk therapy for most people: insight is nice, but your nervous system doesn’t speak English.
One more thing: if you’re anxious or overwhelmed right now, this isn’t a "push through it" moment.
Pause. Do the Fear Melter. Shift the state. Then get back to whatever you were trying to force your way through.
Katie and Gay Hendricks have a great little guide—”Fast Aid for 4 Kinds of Fear”—so you can keep all four melters by your desk or your bed. Grab it here
If you’re an achiever who’s great at pushing through and less practiced at tending to your state first, that’s exactly the work I do with 1:1 clients. We don’t just think differently—we become different from the inside out, so the changes actually stick.
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Are you willing to look silly for 2 minutes to change your whole life?
To your smarter, softer state,
Rachel
PS – Grab Fast Aid for 4 Kinds of Fear here: download the guide.
PPS – If you find yourself living in fight, flight, freeze, or overwhelm more often than you’d like, this is exactly the kind of work I do with clients.
We don’t just think differently.
We become different from the inside out.
When your nervous system begins to trust life again, your relationships, business, creativity, and decisions all change with it.
If that sounds like the direction you’re headed, I’d love to talk.
