Your brain likes to scare you.
That’s its evolutionary job.
But most of the things it says are an emergency?
They’re not.
Real emergencies are physical.
They’re in the room, right now. You can respond with a tangible action.
The pan is on fire. Jonny’s leg is broken. The dog is running into oncoming traffic. Mia is having a heart attack.
When your body rallies its resources to respond to these situations—when your breath shortens, your vision narrows, your digestion pauses—it helps you act effectively.
Then the emergency passes.
Many physically concerning issues aren’t actual emergencies, even.
In my Wilderness First Responder training, they taught us that the very first thing to do in a crisis is pause and survey the scene. Smoke a metaphorical cigarette. Assess, slow down, make sure you know what you’re getting into. Don’t become a second victim in your panic.
Now, your brain lies even more emphatically when it comes to more abstract, emotional situations.
We’re late for the deadline! She gave me a dirty look! He didn’t return my text! The relationship is ending!
These all create stress and fear.
But if they seem like an emergency? You’re caught in a lie.
And that extra dose of fear? It’s keeping you from accessing your deeper wisdom.
If you find this happening…
- Look around the room.
- Ask, “Am I safe right now?”
- Notice you might be living in two timelines: the ok-present, and the “it wasn’t ok” past
- Ask, “How old do I feel right now?”
- Invite yourself to see through present-day eyes
- Tune into your senses. What do you see, hear? What are you touching?
- Take deeper breaths
- Name what’s truly true
Here’s the thing:
The bigger the decision, the more likely your brain is to insist it’s an emergency.
Should I quit my job?Should I move?Should I have a child?Should I leave my marriage?
Your nervous system hears these questions and often responds as though a tiger has entered the village.
Decide now. Figure it out immediately. If you get this wrong, you’ll ruin your life.
But these questions are almost never emergencies.
They are invitations.
Invitations to slow down. To listen more carefully. To become the kind of person who can tolerate uncertainty long enough to hear the truth.
If you’re carrying a big question right now, consider this your reminder: You do not need to solve your entire life today.
You do not need to force clarity.
You do not need to make permanent decisions from temporary nervous system states.
You just need to stay present long enough to hear what is actually true.
And if the question you’re carrying is, "Is my marriage the problem?" I’d love to support you.
On Tuesday, July 28, from 8-9:30 am MT, I’m teaching a free 90-minute workshop:
Is Your Marriage the Problem? How to Know Without Regret or Obligation
We’ll explore why this question can feel so urgent, why so many thoughtful people stay stuck in loops of fear and doubt, and how to begin accessing the deeper wisdom beneath the noise.
Because while your marriage may or may not be the problem…
Treating the question like an emergency almost certainly is.
| Register Here |
Relaxedly yours,
Rachel
PS – Big questions are easier to hold with company. If you’d like support navigating one, I’d love to meet you for a complimentary consultation to find out if coaching is a good fit for you. If we begin working together before August 8, you’ll also receive a free Zone of Genius Mapping Session—a process designed to help you discover what you’re uniquely here to do. Hit reply to get a time on the books!
P.P.S. If someone you love is carrying this question about their relationship, please share this invitation with them.
