The first assignment my coach Diana Chapman gave me when we started working together in early 2018 was this: “Email me at the end of the day every day and tell me what you accomplished.”
Sounds a bit micromanage-y for a consciousness coach, but Diana knew I was falling into a common human trap: paying attention to the gap, not the gain.
Until then, I’d finish a long, hard day of work with my mind painfully fixated on all the things I didn’t accomplish.
All the emails still unread, all the projects still cluttering my to-do list, all the ways I’d fallen short of the ideals I’d set for myself.
Her assignment was a shortcut to happiness, peace, and wisdom.
By looking back at the day with curiosity and appreciation—and taking note of the progress I had made—I was orienting myself through a different lens: one of sufficiency and celebration.
I’ve since heard this invitation articulated even more convincingly in a wonderful book by Dan Sullivan and Ben Hardy, The Gap and The Gain.
Their main thesis is this:
When we measure our success against an ideal, we’re always in the gap. But when we measure our progress against where we started, we’re living in the gain.
The “gap” is the distance between where you are and where you think you should be.
It’s a moving target—your ideal is always shifting, growing, expanding. So when you fixate on that horizon, you’ll almost always feel behind, inadequate, or not quite enough.
But when you turn around and measure how far you’ve come, you access the “gain.” You create a sense of accomplishment, momentum, and self-trust.
It’s not just a feel-good trick—it’s a practical shift in perspective that fuels motivation, joy, and sustainable growth.
When you’re in the gain, your nervous system calms down.
You’re more creative, more generous, and more willing to take the next step.
I’ve used this often in the last few months when staring at a daunting task.
Last fall, I helped my partner move into the new house he’d just bought.
It was a big project—boxes everywhere, endless decisions, a seemingly infinite to-do list.
But as we lay in bed each night, exhausted from the work, I invited us to take a moment and name what we’d accomplished.
“We got almost everything out of the old house.”
“We found sheets.”
“We’re able to sleep here tonight!”
No worrying about the literal stacks of stuff still in the living room. The boost of positivity that came from noticing that we were making progress lifted both our spirits.
And this works for personal growth, too.
I thought of this mantra again this week while speaking with someone about their relationship with fear.
“There seem to be increments of realization that I\’ve been living in an almost perpetual state of fear my entire life,” they said.
“The more aware I get, the more I freak out about how far I\’ve still got to go.”
The idea of measuring backwards came to me again.
Because there’s always farther to go with awakening, or healing, or growth. If we only look at the road ahead, we’re likely to feel discouraged or overwhelmed.
But when we look back—at how much our capacity has expanded in the last month, year, decade?
When we look at how far we’ve actually come?
That keeps us energized. Moving. And maybe even enjoying the road.
Your turn:
What has you feeling daunted right now?
How can you pause, turn around, and measure backwards?
What progress have you already made that deserves celebration?
Progressively yours,
Rachel
PS -I’m opening up my free Clarity Breakthrough Sessions to a wider audience this week. If parts of you feel at war with each other—or you’re ready for support finding the wisest, most impactful version of yourself—let’s talk.
