The event was starting soon, and the room wasn’t ready at all.
My two co-facilitators and I had just arrived, and found our space needed more attention than we’d expected.
No one was in charge and all three of us had fairly equal information about what needed to happen.
And yet somehow, maybe because I’d arrived just a few minutes earlier than my friends, my brain had appointed me Person Responsible For This Going Perfectly.
And I was cracking under the weight of this (fictional) responsibility.
I was cranky, and snappy, and bossy. I was second guessing their decisions for no good reason. I was butting in where my help was zero needed.
Luckily, I had a flash of witness clarity before either of them got too fed up with me.
“Oh!” I realized. “I’m thinking this is all up to me!”
And as I often say, with awareness comes choice.
The remedy for this over-functioning?
It’s the same remedy I used later in the week when I was hit with a miasma of self-doubt.
Anava.
This is a Hebrew word without a direct translation to English.
It’s often translated as “humility”—but that doesn’t quite capture it.
Humility, in English, can carry a whiff of smallness. Self-effacement. Don’t get too big for your britches.
Anava is something different. It’s more like: knowing your right size.
Not too big—not puffed up with the illusion that everything depends on you, that you alone must hold it all together.
But also not too small—not shrinking from your gifts, your contributions, your presence.
It’s the quality of taking up exactly the space that’s yours. No more, no less.
Of knowing your worth without exaggerating it.
Anava can look like:
- Saying “I’m good at this” without needing to prove it
- Receiving praise without deflecting or clinging
- Letting your actions speak rather than managing others’ perception
- Being open to learning because you’re not protecting an image
When I was barking orders at my co-facilitators over a room setup that wasn’t even my responsibility? I was too big. I’d elbowed my way into a role that didn’t belong to me. Anava helped me relax back down.
When I was drowning in self-doubt a few days later, convinced I had nothing worth offering? I was too small. I’d vacated the space that actually is mine. Anava helped me reclaim it.
Anava is the return. Back to your actual size.
Back to what’s genuinely yours to carry—and the willingness to let go of what isn’t.
Like everything about balance, it’s not a permanent state you reach once then never leave.
It’s a practice of noticing when you’ve puffed up or deflated, and finding your way back to the real you.
That, I think, is the work of a lifetime. And also, sometimes, the work of a single breath.
Where could you use to get bigger today? Where could you use more humility and letting go?
To your full aliveness,
Rachel
P.S. If your life looks pretty good on paper and you’re still not that fulfilled—I made something for you. It’s a free training called Success Beyond Reason and I walk through exactly why high achievement doesn’t create happiness, and what actually does. Replay’s up for 10 more days. Watch it here.
